Never Meant to Belong
by raihime27
Summary: Sakura and her love life and some annoying retorts. KakaSaku, SasuSaku. But the cover image gives too much away.
1. Never Meant to Belong

**Chapter one : Never Meant to Belong…**

**A/N: This story is inspired by a Gintama episode. Or more like I stole some lines there like I did with my other fics. Please enjoy, even if you couldn't please force yourselves. **

**Criticisms are welcome, but unnecessary flames are not needed.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the series.**

Looking at the starry dark sky gives me a strange calmness or more like lightheadedness, like how the clouds get dragged by the wind with no resistance. I wanted to close my eyes and feel the serenity the atmosphere offers but I am afraid that if I did, reality will come to haunt me. Quite the opposite of how things should be. Hah!

I caught some movement not so far away from me, a young man and woman are chatting cheerfully with their smiles sparkling like diamonds under the moonlight. Seeing people this happy, I can't help but smile too. But that smile disappeared the moment it started to tug the corners of my lips upward. Before I knew it, I was glaring at the two figures, and it didn't surprise me when thought of ripping them apart for being too happy. It disgusted me, the way they stare at each other needing no words to convey whatever they feel for the other. It made me sick, the way they hold hands or embrace, and worst, the way they kiss, so light but so affectionate. I stood up clutching my churning stomach, and walked away before I puke. I loathed everything I saw, I wished they would just disappear. I could cuss and spit all I want but I cannot escape the excruciating nostalgia that coursed through me while looking at them. Because I was like watching myself back then, when I've always thought that everything will be alright, with him around me.

I was running now, along the rooftops, with no idea where to go. I settled down a tree, panting, with tears streaming down my face. I sat on a robust branch, resting my head on my hands. Closing my eyes and heaving in a huge amount of air, hoping it would calm me down and stop the sobbing, was a mistake. It did help steady my breath but it also slapped the image in my face, the picture I've been running away from all these months. It stabbed my heart like a million needles, it stung the corners of my eyes and then fresh tears came oozing out again. This time I didn't bother to tone down the sniffles. It hurts.

"The sky was so clear so I decided to go stargazing. I didn't anticipate rain and *snot assaulting this place so soon." A voice under the tree suddenly blurted out.

It startled me, I didn't realize I wasn't alone. How careless of me. How embarrassing. I looked down and saw a man sitting there, looking at the sky. He turned his head to me and gave me a small smile.

"Sai!" I gasped.

This guy is the last person I'd want to run into, with me like this. His indifference and his lack of tact aside, his sharp tongue is an arrow straight to the heart. Like pouring peroxide on a wound. Who knows what he's gonna say. I jumped down and sat beside him, wiping my eyes in the process. He offered me a hanky.

"You could have given me that three minutes ago." I snapped at him but still took the handkerchief, though the gesture surprised me, and blown some snot into it. That relieved my stuffy nose, better.

"Keep it." He said with a slightly disgusted look in his face. Under normal circumstances, my fist would have met his mouth by now but tonight I just don't care anymore. I know he knew about my situation.

"Why won't you do anything about it?" he asked. He's full of surprises tonight though I think it's just his way to strike up a conversation, as awkward as it is. I hesitated, 'cause I know what he meant by it. I bit my lip, how am I supposed to answer that?

"Once a flower has withered, it cannot bloom again," I replied and gazed at the stars.

I felt his eyes on me so I looked at him. His expression is a mixture of confusion and empathy, understanding.

"It's not _that_ easy," he agreed, "but not impossible. It's just a question of whether you want to or not. Stop clinging to-"

"Of course I know that. I wouldn't be like this if I wanted to forget!" I barked, cutting him off. Irritation filled me, not because of him, but because what he said was true. I am desperate. "You didn't have to say it! I know it already," my voice broke.

Not missing the sadness in my voice, his face softened. He turned away, stared up the sky again, my eyes followed.

"Do you want to talk about it? I am kind of an outsider when it comes to these things, well I know about your relationship but I didn't know what exactly happened. I was surprised when I heard about the separation. I tried to ask Naruto but he's seemed as clueless as I am."

"You really talk too much tonight. Are you really Sai? Is this a Transformation Jutsu? I wouldn't burden Naruto with these petty things."

He stood up, patting invisible dirt from his pants.

"I will not waste my chakra just to talk to some brutal female in distress."

"What was that?!" I stood up, too, clenching my fist. Oh now he's done it. I am so going to break his stupid mouth. Of all the things I said, he caught up on that? I stepped in closer, ready to pounce, but then he spoke again.

"The offer's still on, you know. If you want to share, I'm all ears. Why don't we talk about it over some bottle of _sake? _After that, you may feel better even just a little. You can go back to being annoying and loud and ugly and brute and ugly again. 'Sakura' and 'disheartened' never meant to belong in the same sentence, after all."

I was stunned, my trembling fists stopped. Is this his way to cheer me up? I was touched with his consideration. I was about to smile, and then it hit me, like a bus overspeeding.

"Is that what the title was about?! So random!" I retorted.

"Of all the things I said, you caught up on that?" he asked as he turned around and started walking.

_Mind reader!_ I thought as I started to follow him. I just realized that we were on the mountain behind the Hokages' heads, I ran pretty far. We walked, or more like hopped, towards the village. We arrived into a 24-hour restaurant and settled into a seat in the corner, as far away as possible from the other customers. We sat across each other. I ordered lots of meat and _sake, _if I am going to spill my guts out it's better to do it drunk. The waiter returned with the goods. I snapped my chopsticks apart and started to grill, while Sai poured his cup of _sake _and gulped it down immediately.

"Won't that upset your stomach? You haven't eaten something yet." I asked.

"This is the way I do it. We will eat as we go on anyway," he responded. I just nodded, seeing his point I poured myself a cup of _sake_ and drank it. Sweet, but it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I poured another cup, and then another, and then another. I was done with my first bottle when I remembered the meat. I glanced at the grill nervously and found a new set of meat being cooked. Sai must have replaced the cooked ones, or ate them whatever. I sighed and reached for another bottle.

"Are we going to talk about it or just eat and drink until the sun rises?" Sai said after a pregnant silence. Something about his way of speaking seems off, but I couldn't point it out cause his face is as stoic as ever though his pale cheeks are kinda flushed.

"Well give me a sec to get ready."

"What kind of simple talking takes a 30 - minute preparation? We're not going on a mission here, oi."

I looked at him, horrified beyond belief. Was that a comeback just now? He accidentally tipped an empty bottle of _sake_ and I glanced down at the table. He has already chugged down three. What a dreadful weapon! To make a straight-faced person into a *straight man altogether! I guffawed shamelessly at the unlikely situation. I leaned my head on the wall to get comfortable, I cleared my throat and started to narrate.

To be continued…

*snot = Double meaning. Snot as in Sakura's snot from her nose obviously because she's crying, and snot as Sakura herself, being a rude and annoying person.

*straightman = A person who throws comebacks. Refer to tsukkomi.


	2. Flashbacks and Comebacks

**Chapter two: Flashbacks and Comebacks Together Do Not Bring Out the Right Emotion.**

**A/N: This story is inspired by a Gintama episode. Or more like I stole some lines there like I did with my other fics. Please enjoy, even if you couldn't please force yourselves.**

**Criticisms are welcome, but there is no need for unnecessary flames.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the series.**

_Flashback- Sakura_

"**Comeback"- Sai**

_ Two years ago, Kages' Summit._

_ After Sasuke tried to kill me when I followed him, my heart has broken yet again after so long. I got depressed by the rejection, his threat and the uselessness I felt. I was desperate to save him from sinking any lower. He is my friend, he was my teammate and most of all he was my first love. _

_ When we were on our way back to Konoha, I was mulling over it. Though I've never thought about it out loud, I can feel Kakashi-sensei's scrutinizing gaze behind me. I was afraid to look at him, because I know I will see myself reflected back at me. He of all people knows and feels how I felt for our former teammate, except for the first love part. _

"**I know those already. I was there, can you fast forward your story to a more essential parts?!"**

_A year later, Kakashi-sensei became my boyfriend. I decided it was time to step into adulthood._

"**You skipped way too much! How did Kakashi-san become your boyfriend?!"**

_Humans must change and adapt to their environment in order to survive._

"**What happened during that year?"**

_It was a bit awkward at first, from a teacher-student relationship to a not so teacher-student relationship. We did our missions like how we used to, but there is more warmth between us than before. __Little by little__, I was able to mend my broken heart._

_ We've been to dates, though disguised as just eating, doing what a couple should be doing, it made me happy. He took good care of me. We never had an argument. I felt like I was floating the whole time we were together. Months through the relationship, I acknowledged the fact that the setting was more of a father-daughter connection. Maybe it was really like that from the very beginning but I was content that someone is finally reciprocating my feelings, though not in the same way. I depended on him, trusted him with my life, and I could say I loved him. _

_ Our alone-time slowly decreased, because of some mission he has been assigned with. I understood that, I am a ninja, too, after all. I would always wait for the exhausted Kakashi at the park, during sunset. That became my daily routine for almost a month. I noticed his detachment sometime when I was talking about something I liked, I rendered it was because of his fatigue and waved it off._

_ The next morning, I saw him walking towards the gate of the village. Someone is with him. I dashed forward to greet them, him specifically. On the way I noticed the person with him is a woman. I stopped abruptly, I recognized the lady, Hanare-san, the pretty lady in one of the filler episodes during the destruction of Konoha caused by Pein. They were talking about something, Hanare-san's giggling and Kakashi's smiling. I wanted to continue walking towards them but my feet won't move. I was too perplexed by what I saw. Sure they were not doing anything strange, just talking, but there was something in there. And it pricked me ever so slightly but I had no idea what it was. I got confused of myself. I turned heel and stalked away. _

_ I waited for Kakashi to pass by the park as I always did, after a few, he came into view. My face lit up despite the worry that's been eating me all day. I met him halfway, and he regarded me with a smile. Not helping my curiosity, I told him I what I saw this morning. And I asked him what she was doing here and what he was doing with her. I got a little scared that he may think I was meddling too much. He just answered nonchalantly, saying it was JUST Hanare and that the Fifth requested that he would be her guide. I accepted the explanation though my thoughts lingered on the word Hanare without honorifics. We went home afterwards. He has to rest so I didn't insist on him keeping me company any longer. It was a blisteringly hot day, but I felt cold. I didn't know it was twilight._

_ As we moved along to our relationship, his indifference became more lucid. He wasn't rude or unpleasant in any way, that wasn't Kakashi. But I could feel that there was a distance somewhere between us, more like we're reverting back to being teacher and student, captain and a subordinate. I didn't give up on him because of the memories of long ago, I believed that he would return to being an affectionate partner. I stood firm at my place, by his side._

_ A month passed, Hanare-san came to the village again, Kakashi was appointed as her guide, again. I didn't think badly of the situation, reminding myself that it was just a mission and this time she will only stay here for three days. I was forlorn during those days, looking at them from afar. At the end of the three-day visit of Hanare-san, Kakashi walked her to the gates as a customary send off. I was a little glad my mental torture was over. I watched the sunset behind them with a stupid grin on my face. I felt a tad of guilt feeling that way but I was just happy I'll have Kakashi again for myself. As I viewed the beautiful sunset, the figures walked closer to each other, Kakashi bent his head and Hanare-san stared at him with an emotion I didn't want to recognize. Kakashi's lips rested on hers, and Hanare-san hugged him. They stayed like that for seconds, then she waved goodbye. I stood like a statue rooted in place, I was too flabbergasted that I didn't notice Kakashi turning back and facing me, he was as shocked as I was. He composed himself and walked towards where I was standing. He said we needed to talk, I bobbed my head up and down like a robot. We went to the park. He told me everything I had to know. Like how he really felt for me, I've already known that. Or that he cannot go along with me any further, I've noticed that already. And that he loves the lady, I've known that, too, godamnit! He apologized profusely and said that he didn't want to see me suffer any more so he decided to be the person who can protect me from getting hurt though in the end, he ended up hurting me, too. I still couldn't find my voice after the explanation, so I just nodded. It was the closure of our so-called relationship. My faint hopes vanished into the summer sky with the cries of the cicadas._

"**That wasn't a step towards being an adult. It's a damn escalator!"**

_I sat there mutely, still taking in the things that happened today. My dry eyes stared into the empty space, unable to perceive. Much as God was unable to understand the will of the fallen angel, Lucifer._

"**And now you're talking like a pro!"**

_I looked up at the sky to see a condor circling above, as though laughing at my naivety. _

"**Why a condor?!"**

_I stood up, the way I was I could say I was pretty mechanical, to go home. It wasn't that far from the park, but as I was heading home, it felt like I had walked a hundred miles prior. Raindrops trickled down my cheek. Before I knew it, my tears were flowing waterfalls, like it was resonating with the sudden downpour. A middle-aged woman ran past me, unconsciously my eyes followed her, I knew her. She was still unmarried despite her age. I heard she got dumped by her longtime boyfriend before. After him, she didn't show any interest in any commitments, which left her single. I wonder when she stopped trusting in men._

"**Who cares about her story?!"**

_ I continued on my way home, now drenched in the bloody rain. I heard some cawing on the left side of the road, a condor is looking at me squawking from where his dry refuge is, as if mocking me._

"**Like I said, why is there a condor in Konoha?"**

_ I eyed it murderously, I so wanted to snap that tiny neck and shred the damn fowl into pieces. But I was too preoccupied with pain that I let it live another day. When I reached my room, I berated myself with questions. Like, I've known all along that this wouldn't work, so why did I expect too much? Why hadn't I drawn a line to remind me I'll get hurt if cross it? How selfish could I get that I didn't realize I was being a burden to sensei? Or why did the condor do this to me?_

"**The condor has nothing to do with it! Just end the story already!"**

Back to reality…

"The end," I huffed heavily as I finished the painful story. Sai was silent, giving me time to calm myself. I know he's at loss for words, he's not the type to really comfort someone with things like "It will be okay" or "you'll be fine", and I'm thankful for that. I looked up and saw him contemplating on something. I smiled. I poured my last bottle of _sake_, and gulped it down. Sai gave me his last one, too. I gladly received and guzzled it.

"You took in lots and lots of _sake_, but it's all coming out of your eyes," he commented.

"Why are you spilling it back up after I gave it to you?" He asked, I don't know if that was just a question or a continuation of his comebacks which is really out of character for him, but I still managed to answer him.

"I'm sorry, I won't *waste anymore. I'm sorry." And then more sake came from my eyes until the sun has risen.

To be continued…

*waste = pertaining to two things, waste the sake or waste herself.

*twilight = not the time of the day but the start of an ending.


End file.
